Day to Day

When I met Ethan at the airport to await Nate's arrival from Bolivia, I couldn't fathom the fact of having made it 3 weeks without him. When he descended the staircase with his hat, sweatshirt and jeans, and charango sticking out of his backpack I felt not only relief but immense nostalgia. Here he was after having visited Bolivia, where we lived for three years, having walked the same paths we trekked together and supped with our old friends in the places we called home. It was comforting to have him home, and I was anxious to hear the stories.
We took about a week to heal from colds, rest up from separation anxiety and get used to each other again before Nate needed to begin a part-time summer job that a CILAS associate helped him secure before his departure. It didn't take long for anybody. We were most preoccupied with the adjustment Natalie would have to make, but she remembered Papa immediately and their special connection was soon alive with all its affection and intimacy and without a hint of affectation on her part. ¡Qué milagro!
I'm in my 39th week of pregnancy, meaning there is officially one week left before the doctors start pressuring you with all the ways to induce labor. As of today's appointment, not much is indicating imminent labor, but things are starting to change. There are a few observable changes in our apartment that a new baby will arrive soon, but the changes mostly have to do with the pre- and post-natal care of Mama. We'll initially have the baby sleep in our room, with plans to eventually have him in where Natalie sleeps. I guess that comes when we are either sick of sharing our room or feel life isn't wild enough and want to step it up a notch. It could be awhile.
In the meantime, as I move slower and with more effort, Nate is balancing Natalie cares with household and job-related duties. I don't know how he would answer, but most people, when they ask me how I feel, assume my answer will be, "I can't wait to not be pregnant anymore!" In fact, most answer their own question. But for me, though there are times when I grow weary of pregnancy-related body changes, the end of this time doesn't simply mean "not being pregnant" any more. It means the advent of many life changes that are more difficult to handle: less sleep, a change in our family's demographic, a revisiting of all those first-year worries and simply the fact of learning to be a new kind of parent. The spike of a learning curve during crisis is only appreciated in retrospect. That time seems distant on the horizon. So it is with mixed emotions we move forward to this new phase of life. It is also with much anticipation and growing excitement that we look forward to meeting this little guy, guessing where all his features came from, and discovering his personality. We feel confident that Natalie knows there is some being about to be presented to her, that she will do outstanding as an older sister, and that one more Weaver Olson will only make this world a better place.

Por los Valles y los Cerros

Our family is well into our adventure of being separated from Nate while he pursues is summer fieldwork in Bolivia. He will be gone a total of three weeks, and we have one week down. Natalie and I are in San Diego, running the house and staying distracted. So far some of those distractions have been in the form of visits from Oma and the Batstones and visits to the France and Portacio homes. It's been great to be able to visit like that with just a phone call.
I feel that Nate and I are falling into an established pattern during crisis: one of us is able to remain a bit more objective if the other seems to have more immediate needs (read: I'm the objective one in this case). #568 on the list of reasons why marriage longevity suits an immense change such as this. I feel Nate's work has taken great leaps in the short time he's been there. The implications of that are tough to think about, but there are some indisputable directions his work can go whether he pursues it or not. He's made a herculean (I seem to love that adjective on this blog) effort to connect with many historians and archivists since his arrival in Bolivia and much of it has had immediate returns. A lot of it has highlighted the need to spend more time there in the future but has also raised some concerns of his about how his work will be received in a community of folks we considered our neighbors while we lived there. During the last quarter of the school year he completed a paper (more like a "down payment on my thesis", he said) that he's using as the basis for most of the information he's trying to obtain in these three short weeks. Specifically, he is doing a study of a population of people he believes to have been integral in the founding of the town of Vallegrande, a town in a province of the same name situated in the valleys of Bolivia. Current scholarship doesn't recognize their existence in the area, though other records and works by Bolivian historians wrote of their presence during the founding of the town of Vallegrande. Nate's work seeks to address the validity of their presence, how they were effectively written out of Vallegrande's history, and the implications for their contribution to the cultural and ancestral roots in the town and province. These folks were of black African ancestry, which potentially poses issues of rejection and dispute in Nate's pursuit of primary resources in Bolivia with local historians, parish archives and the general acceptance of the province's denizens.
Emotionally it's been a trip through the more figurative Valley and I think Nate is struggling to see how far he has come. Already raw from end-of-school year burnout, this trip, just one week after finals, has been almost more than he can bear. He's ready to be full-time Papa and hubby the way he wants to be and not how it's been dictated to him by the constraints of academic time and responsibility.
Natalie and I are doing fine, despite the new challenges we're facing in his absence. These things will change us all but the loneliness and struggle to get through each day are only temporary. I'm one month from being full-term with this pregnancy and my challenges are pretty base and visceral: parenting a toddler amidst constant fatigue. I'm also coming to the end of my work time pre-delivery with only two weekends left. In that respect I am feeling physical limits as well. But I don't see this time as a negative: our daytime routine is much like it was during the school year, we have awesome opportunities to connect with family, and I am not afraid of the solitude during the evenings. In a sense our path to this point was by choice, but I wouldn't say I chose this role during this time. But I do it willingly, maybe not always gladly, because I love the guy. This is so far from any martyr sentiment that I have been close to on other occasions that I was ready to jump right in, big belly and all. He would do the same.
So, we are reserving the right to live even more isolated lives when he returns and we get ready to welcome our new baby. You don't need to remind us of the transition issues, just politely listen when we start complaining about it during our bi-monthly phone calls. Maybe, if you can't resist sending advice our way you could at least put it in the form of a song or haiku.
Advice and all, we could never do this on our own. The contribution of all is not lost on us, so here is my one-line thanks that inadequately reflects the gratitude in my heart.

It is Finished....For Now.

Last night (or this morning, depending on who was in which phase of sleep) Nate handed in the last paper he had pending for the quarter, thus the school year. I'm so proud of him, completing this first year of graduate school with some outstanding work and success. I used to think graduate school was just 30-somethings writing papers and having more difficulty because they had been out of practice, but was I wrong. Nate's class of 9 students is by no means a microcosm of all graduate departments, but the work load was grueling for everyone. For us, the only family with a child (and one on the way), it was a team effort: we all shouldered part of the burden. I am amazed at what is expected of students above and beyond class, homework and work schedules. Conferences, meetings, and department-wide participation in other students' events are recommended with a knowing look that communicates much more than "your presence is requested...". Nate made herculean efforts to be known by various faculty in the history department, foresight that I find extraordinary when he was so bogged down with the daily details of student life. Because he plans on applying this fall for various PhD programs in 2010, these connections were necessary.
Our family only has one week's rest before our next journey into uncharted territory: Nate's departure for three weeks to Bolivia to do archival research. Research-wise it is hardly any time at all. Family-wise it feels like an eternity to be apart. With the hands-on help of both Natalie's grandmas we will have some great visitors and help while I keep my work schedule on the weekends. It is also a momentous occasion because he will be returning to a land we both called home, and visiting people who became our family while we lived in Bolivia. I'm sad not to make this journey with him. His return to the US will coincide with the advent of our birth month (the two weeks before and after the proposed due date of July 29), another journey into uncharted territory. The two months before classes start next fall will be a special time for all of us, an insular time as we get used to the new shape of our family. Thank you all for taking this journey with us--we will need you on the road ahead.

Honesty

Natalie, after having most of her breakfast sees Nate getting our breakfast together, which she will share with us.
Natalie: "Bag-o!" (bagel)
Nate: "Well, how about some egg?"
Natalie: "Eeek!" (egg)
Nate sits down, gives Natalie some egg.
Natalie: "Bag-o!"
She gets a piece of bagel with jelly on it, delightedly licks of the jelly then eats the bagel piece.
Natalie: "Mo? Mo bag-o?"
I said, "Don't you mean more jelly with bagel?"
Natalie, to Nate: "Mo? Mo chuh-wee (jelly)?"

Conversations with Natalie

I'm taking some inspiration from friend and fellow blogger Melissa to start documenting conversations with our daughter that seem particularly memorable. Though she is just at the cusp of putting words together to form verbal ideas and sentences, we found out this morning that they aren't necessary when needing to get her point across. This was before breakfast this morning:
Natalie (sort of fussy) to Nate: "Up? Up?"
Nate picks her up.
Natalie, a bit authoritatively points to the refrigerator, "Open?"
Nate opens the 'fridge.
With a big smile, Natalie says, "Boo-babies?" (blueberries)

What Wondrous Love Is This

For all the reasons this pregnancy is different from the first, we are thankful. Though we wish our concentrated efforts to document the pregnancy were more fruitful, we still try to get pictures of Baby BG while he's still in the belly. Here is the most recent.
As Natalie learns more and more words it seems that some days she wakes up and simply experiments with her own thoughts and dreams. The juxtaposition of little baby and little girl brings so much joy to us. This video was from breakfast the other day.




Dad has been on my mind a lot lately. The song, Wondrous Love, reminds me so much of him because of the a cappella, bluegrass style, but also for the lines, "And when from death I'm free I'll sing on...and through eternity I'll sing on." And we have no doubt that he is.

Pregnancy, Pressure and Parking

Pardon the alliteration. It's my attempt at being clever and witty. You see, I have pregnancy brain and it has rendered out my creativity to a thin myelin on my general humor. Mommy medulla, if you will. I'm 26 weeks along and look 35 weeks. The nose dive in attention given to consecutive pregnancies has not been lost on our family. Journals, pictures, sound diet, and general contemplation are all fond memories of a time and place called Pregnancyland. Though my brain seems to have gone there on holiday, I'm living in Toddleropolis and it's quite a disparate existence. Our little guy is healthy in all the ways we can tell from prenatal tests (thanks, state of Cali) and general mommy well-being. We call him Baby BG and, when the few moments of contemplation come, we wonder wonder wonder about him.
Nate is well into his third quarter of school in the Latin American Studies department. His prospectus to an all-Grad symposium was accepted, so he'll be giving a talk this Thursday that will connect an area of his research on a community from the area of Bolivia we lived to the symposium's key focus topic, memory. Nate is also waiting for word, more like an official verification, of a research grant he applied for to study in Bolivia. He is working again at 50% time, still as a graduate student researcher, and as the primary translator for a book written in Spanish, authored by a visiting scholar from Peru. Prioritizing all of that with being a dad and husband has required a herculean effort, not without its drawbacks. The pressure is tremendous.
Speaking of. We have used a pressure cooker on a weekly basis for almost a decade, but two weeks ago as I was just about to turn down the heat after the cooker reached full steam the overpressure plug completely blew out. Our wall is now stained a pale blue and I just paid $2 s/h for a $3 replacement part. It was also very loud.
I think parking is going to be an issue for me, here in California. Not for lack of it, but for the tiny, parallel spaces provided. In most parking situations, I can't open Natalie's door all the way so, while trying not to scratch the neighbor car, squeeze one arm inside to unbuckle (or buckle) and pull her out. A one-armed pull is much easier than the replacement scenario. There are more than a few reasons for moms not leaving the house with the kiddos.